Ugh...

Why is it that it is so much easier to concentrate on the negative things in life, rather than the good? Perhaps because the negative things, are the things that gnaw on our brains until we either go crazy, forget, or learn to let the fuck go of them. I think of this because I have been really thinking about something (someone) lately. Something that I thought I put way behind me, something that I thought I let go of, something that is such a waste of my time and energy that I was done with it.....Well, my sneaky friend...you are an asshole. Why do I allow myself to dwell on shit that I can't do anything about? "What should I have done different?" "Why did this happen?" "I wonder what is going on with that person now?" FUCK! Why do I care anymore? I washed my hands of this over 2 years ago...or so I thought...why can't I just forget about it and move on? Because that's not the kind of person I am. She and I were great friends for so long, I just can't forget, I can't just say "screw her" as much as I want to, and to mean it. While I don't particularly want to be friends with her anymore, I would like to be able to think back on our friendship with fondness, instead of hatred, anger, and confusion. It's getting to the point where she's in my dreams and every time she's there...I either beat her ass, yell at her, or just have an all over feeling of anger and hate. Maybe a confrontation is in order to give me som closure on this situation...but I will probably never get it. Oh well. I know that a week from now I will think of this and say "aw fuck it, fuck her, and the horse she rode in on (ha)" but right now I am pissed, because I am thinking about it, because I am allowing myself to miss our friendship, and I'm pissed at myself for it.